Through the Looking Glass

When J. was born, I was so excited. It was the most amazing thing seeing your child being born. I had no idea what to expect during the birth. I was afraid that I would be one of those dads that faints at the sight of the baby coming out. However, I was simply intrigued by what I saw. My beautiful little boy, I immediately began to picture in my mind all the fun times we would have. Sitting on the dock fishing, teaching him how to shoot when he was old enough, teaching him how to survive in the woods like starting fires with sticks, and other great father and son bonding experiences that somehow always seem to require patience. Of course at the time, I was not concerned about anything that could hinder those experiences with my son in his early years of childhood.

J. was a rambunctious boy. Well, he was a boy. What else should anyone expect. J. was our first child, so his mother and I had no clue as to what we should expect from a little boy. So when he was 3 and 4 years old, he was always the one kid in the bunch that could not sit still, or was always the most active. But still, we just chalked it up to J. just being a boy and it was a phase he would grow out of, at least I felt that way.

J started school at 3 years old. We sent him to a private preschool when he was 3. He did pretty good but there were some difficulties in the class and J. could not transition form one thing to the next. J. and his teacher at that time did not get along. Either she did not want to work with J. or she simply did not have the patience. Maybe it was a combination of both. The experience at the time with J. in school was good enough to not set off any flags in our minds. Looking back however, is a different story. Knowing what we know now that is.

J. second year at preschool was better, but that was only because his teachers were willing to work with him and find ways that help J. deal with the day-to-day classroom experience and expectations. His teachers would do things like give him a warning that in a few minutes they would be stopping what they are currently doing and then move on to the next task, making J. sit in front of the teacher during circle/story time which would reduce the distractions. There are other things, but the point I am trying to make is that while it may not have been easy for the teachers, they made an effort and it truly showed. J. loved his teachers. Although there were times that J. did not want to come home because he knew that he misbehaved in class so much that he was going to get in trouble at home. Overall, the school year was pretty decent.

At this point in time, it was still just phase in our eyes. We had no idea that J. was physically incapable of controlling his behavior. J. was constantly getting in trouble. At home and at school. Despite his behavior issues at school and at home, J. was actually very smart and was learning at a faster rate than most if not all of his peers who were on average older than J. So much so, that while J. scholastically excelled and should progress to kindergarten, his teacher consulted with us expressing her concern for J. going into a class where he is the youngest and there is going to be more structure and less play time, etc in kindergarten. She suggested holding him back one year. Now this was not that big of an issue since J.’s birthday is in August. If we hold him back it actually gives him and advantage in school. Well, at least under normal circumstances.

During the summer months leading to this new school year (2010), J. was exhibiting some very difficult behavior, at home, the grandparents, and at church. One lady who teaches J.’s class once every so many weeks at church, felt it necessary to hand a book to J.’s mom about how to raise children. As if she didn’t already know. We tried everything we could think of. Taking toys away, reward system, praise, time out, quite time, anything and everything positive. Nothing worked. Heck we even tried the special book presented to us by the woman, who’s children are “perfectly behaved.” Again nothing worked. Friends and family began to suspect something just isn’t right. J. was just too hyper and moody too often.

We began looking into his behavior and we felt that J. may have ADHD. So as the new prekindergarten school year fast approached, we sent J. for some testing and evaluation with a psychologist who specializes in ADHD. Dr. O. had us fill out a questionnaire as well as his last school teacher. Dr. O. also had J.’s I.Q. tested in which J. tested in the 99th percentile for perceptive skills and in the upper 80’s for most other categories. My son is a genius. Of course, those tests are not as accurate at the young age of 5. So cognitively, J. is very smart. This coincide with what we see at home and elsewhere. He picks up on things that most kids would not even give a second thought to. Only because they fail to notice them. J. is quite impressive in that regard.

At this point, I cannot say I am disappointed as I can still do most of those things with J. that I imagined doing the day of his birth, I just have to do them more carefully and with a lot more patience. J. is my world. I look at him and I see a beautiful and exciting life ahead. In the end, looking back, I do not think I would change anything if I had a choice. I feel this whole experience with ADHD has only drawn me closer to J. and made him just that more special to me.

- Dad2ADHD